A little warmer
Well, yesterday was pretty bad, but I wanted to write about some of the things I did that made it better. No doubt do I think I could possibly have an illness, and I will be discussing this with my therapist this week. I’m still a firm believer in a holistic approach to health and healing, so I’m not sure what this will do….if anything.
I did do a few things though to pull myself out the darkness, and it was definately hard to do at first. I made myself some tea (and I do mean St. John’s Wort tea), and had a trusted friend read my blog. The tea’s effects are not instant, but I think perhaps they are longer lasting then I originally thought. When I was finished with my tea, I grabbed my dog and took a walk. That for one, warmed me up, got me out in the sun, and got blood pumping through my veins. These steps were difficult to take, and its almost like you feel like your walking through jello to get your ass moving. But today, its a different day. I feel confident enough to write that I’m feeling a little better. Going to be tackling one of the bigger messes in my house, that is my kitchen…and that’s better then loafing around feeling sorry for myself.
I will say one important thing. I have a friend who I’ve been talking to. I think I practically mention him in every post. The more I talk with him, the more he gains my trust. I keep thinking he’s just a temporary friend until he gets tired of me, but…the longer he sticks around, the more and more I think he’s going to be there for me when I need him. He’s slowly earning my trust, and yesterday…he was my sounding board, suggesting I do things to help myself that I couldn’t have thought of in my state of mind.
So, I’m still battling it. I’m still trying to kick depression’s butt naturally and pulling in my resources on my low points. I consider yesterday a success. I’m still here, and I’m even somewhat cheerful today. At least I’m hoping to clean house a little bit, and that’s always a good sign. Either that or I’m pmsing. 
It’s a weight. It’s the shade of an oak tree on a sunless day, only it lingers…feeling darker in the night than it should. We persist but to what end.
The assurance…
That when it’s lifted we forget the loathing we had for ourselves as starkly as it took away the love we had for others. When it’s gone…we know…because nothing compares…a rebirth.